Painful
by FanGirlFreak16
Summary: Set after episode 5: Jyushimatsu has noticed that Karamatsu hasn't been the normal, painful, and narcissistic person that he normally is. Jyushimatsu is determined to find out what has his big brother in such a funk. But little does he know how much is really wrong with his painful brother. Nor how broken Karamatsu really is.


**Warning: This story contains triggering topics. If you cannot handle self harm or self hatred, I strongly advise you to click out of this story.**

When had Jyushimatsu noticed that his dear older brother, Karamatsu, had been acting out of sorts? Surely, it hadn't been all that long ago. Maybe two or three weeks ago. But the more Jyushimatsu watched the second oldest of his niisans, the more worried he began to feel. Especially when he noticed that none of his other brothers began to notice the changes. And the changes had gotten quite drastic over the days. He had watched as Karamatsu's wardrobe slowly got more and more dull. He watched as Karamatsu would take his chopsticks and pick at the food presented to him, even if the food was his favorite. He watched as Karamatsu got paler and paler as the days went by. And one of the most scariest things he had noticed was that Karamatsu's hoodie and other wardrobe options had been getting baggier and baggier on him, as if he was losing weight in giant mass quantities.

And quite honestly, Jyushi was getting tired of watching all of these changes occur and him being the only one to notice, and not speak up about it. He decided it was finally time to figure out what was wrong with his older brother.

"Jyushimatsu-niisan," His only younger brother, Todomatsu, had broken him out of his trance like state, "we're going to Chibita's. Do you wanna come?" Jyushi gazed up into Totty's big brown eyes that had that shimmer that maybe only he could match. Being the youngest of the sextuplets, Totty easily got away with a lot more stuff, even if he was only younger by a few minutes. And honestly, all of the brothers helped contribute with that in some way or another. Except when Todomatsu won at pachinko. Nobody was going to let him get away with that and them not get a share of the cash that their brother so selfishly had tried to hide from all of his niisans. Saying no to his only younger brother was something that Jyushi sorely hated, but he knew that if they had asked Karamatsu, then the second eldest would have declined.

Y'know, if the others had bothered to ask Karamatsu to go along with them in the first place.

Jyushimatsu, grin and all, shook his head. "Not today, Totty! I'm a bit tired from all of the baseball I played from earlier!" It was a valid reason, the baseball party anyways, but the part where Jyushimatsu had said something about being tired? Now, that didn't sound right at all. Nevertheless, Totty shrugged and walked away from where Jyushi was lying on his yellow yoga ball that he used for anything but what the title stated its use for.

As he had once believed, only Totty, Ichimatsu-niisan, Choromatsu-niisan, and Osomatsu-niisan ended up exiting the front of the house and leaving on the trek for Chibita's Oden booth. Come to think of it, Jyushi hadn't really seen Karamatsu hardly at all that day. He looked around the house, thinking of all of the areas his brother could be in.

He decided, in the end, to just scope out the house. He crossed over to the kitchen area, where there sat a cluttered kitchen from the lunch that had been made around five hours ago. Dishes had been piled high in the sink, begging to be washed. A bowl of fruit sat on the table, including a mixed variety of oranges, bananas, apples, grapes, and pears. Jyushimatsu licked his lips a bit when he noticed the pears in the bowl. All of his brothers enjoyed that single fruit the most. That's when a thought dawned on him.

They hadn't even tried to save Karamatsu when he was kidnapped and in danger. Granted, the kidnapper had only been Chibita, and he wouldn't have seriously killed Karamatsu, but they hadn't known that Karamatsu's capturer had been Chibita at the time. No, they didn't know that it was Chibita until later that night when Karamatsu had been tied to that log and had nearly been set up in flames. He had really tried to aim his object of choice at Chibita, but he had been bumped into by Osomatsu and it had gone to Karamatsu.

In other words, his object hitting Karamatsu had been a mistake.

He hadn't meant to hurt the blue clad brother, he really hadn't.

Karamatsu had to understand that. Jyushimatsu was nearly positive that Karamatsu knew that.

But what if he didn't?

The thought of Karamatsu not knowing his true worth made Jyushi's stomach turn in uneasiness despite his never ending grin. Checking the kitchen off of his list, Jyushi made his way up to the bathroom in his attempt to find his big brother. With each step he took on the stairs, the more his stomach began to turn. Each step creaked with either a longer time or a shorter time. The lower steps had lower creaking sound to them while the upper stairs had a higher creaking sound.

The bathroom was the first door on the right from the stairs. He walked towards the entrance before he entered the premises. Since the door had not been shut, it had been quite clear to Jyushimatsu that Karamatsu was, in fact, not in this room. Nevertheless, Jyushi inspected the room. Though, there wasn't hardly any place to look. Aside from the closet, there was no where else to look. The Matsuno household did not own a shower or bathtub, and the cabinets underneath the sink were not a substantial size for one of the brothers to hide in.

Upon inspection of the bathroom closet, Jyushimatsu found not a single soul. He sighed before turning to leave the bathroom. That is...until something caught his eye. The fifth brother of the sextuplets glanced to the trashcan that sat beside the toilet. What he saw nearly made his blood freeze from moving in his veins.

Bloodied tissues.

He stuck his hand down into the trashcan and pulled out a handful of bloody tissues. And what scared him more was that there were still about three more handfuls of bloodied tissues within the trashcan. They were completely red. Every single tissue was completely blood red. By this time, his smile had shrunk another size, but it wasn't completely gone.

 _Was Karamatsu-niisan hurt,_ he wondered? What other explanation could there be? Well, he did know of one, but...no...not Karamatsu-niisan of all people. Karamatsu was always the brother you could go to for reassurance. Though, Jyushimatsu himself, was maybe the most reliable for reassurance and comfort, Karamatsu was a close second. But...Jyushimatsu wasn't quite sure if he ever remembered helping Karamatsu emotionally.

"This isn't good." He muttered to himself. He had seen this sort of behavior before from Ichimatsu before. The paleness of skin, the weight loss, the lack of interest of old hobbies and items. It was the reason why Ichimatsu had been kept under self harm watch for quite a long time.

But this was Karamatsu, funny, painful, narcissistic, and confident Karamatsu. He'd never hurt himself. Maybe Ichimatsu had a relapse.

That thought terrified Jyushimatsu even more. The jumping between each brother of the possibility that they have hurt themselves. He had five brothers. What if it wasn't Karamatsu? What if Ichimatsu relapsed? Hell, what if it was neither of the two? What if it was Osomatsu-niisan? The oldest of the NEETS was practically always put down by his irresponsibility. What if he snapped? Or what if it was Choromatsu? His anxiety levels were already off of the charts. What if he couldn't take it and thought this would help? Or what if it was Todomatsu? The baby of the sextuplets. Jyushimatsu's only little brother. What if he was being cyber bullied on one of his social media accounts and started to believe all of the haters?

Jyushimatsu's hands began to tremble. He didn't like the thought of _any_ of his brothers hurting themselves. He loved them all so so much. He was horrified. What if scenarios kept playing out through his head for a moment before he literally slapped himself. _Pull yourself together, Jyushimatsu,_ he told himself. _You don't even know if someone's self harming. Someone could have just been hurt and took care of it._ But he had a feeling in the bottom of his stomach that the answer to the bloodied tissues were not the latter statement.

Jyushimatsu placed the tissues back into the trashcan along with the other tissues he hadn't bothered to take out. They were all the same. They were all horrifically the same.

The more Jyushimatsu thought the matter over, the more he began to narrow down his results to Karamatsu. The biggest reason being was because he hadn't gone to the bathhouse with the rest of his brothers since God knew how long. Ichimatsu had done the same thing before, as well. If Karamatsu was doing what Jyushimatsu suspected him to be doing, he had to help him right away...but how? Knowing Karamatsu, he wouldn't accept help from anyone let alone voice his own troubles and pain.

Jyushimatsu felt something brush against his leg, causing him to look down. He gasped. "Of course!" He exclaimed, his usual smile plastered back into place. He picked up the tiny cat and began to stroke it's head softly. "ESP kitty, I need you right now more than I've ever needed you before!" Diabolical as it was, Jyushimatsu debated on doing it now, or when the rest of their brothers returned home. As he continued to weigh his options, he realized that doing this alone would prove to be less difficult than doing it with others around. "Let's go find Karamatsu-niisan!"

* * *

Karamatsu sat on the top of their house, guitar in hand, and fingers in place. The only thing he lacked was motion to his fingers. He thought and thought and thought but no cords or lyrics came to mind. His head was drawing a blank and he couldn't help but be a little frustrated with himself. Not only frustrated with himself, but also frustrated with his brothers.

 _Why don't they care,_ he asked himself? _Am I that bad of a brother? Am I that horrible of a friend? Am I that **painful**? _

The word was a constant reminder of how he didn't fit in with his brothers. Of how he didn't belong in the Matsuno household. Or in any household for that matter. Even when he wore more dull clothing, his family members never noticed. Even when he had to cry himself asleep, no one noticed. They would notice his soaked pillow or the hiccups and miserable sobs that tore their way through his esophagus. Hell, they hardly noticed when he was gone when Chibita had kidnapped him.

He kind of wished that Chibita would have let him burn up in that fire.

He had even went back to the Oden shop and asked the small man himself why he didn't let him just burn up to a crisp.

 _He had walked to the Oden shop and sat at an empty seat, the other five seats unoccupied. Chibita had had his back turned towards Karamatsu has he had been washing up dishes. He had done so for about twenty minutes before recognizing the blue clad sextuplet to be there. But for the time being that he hadn't realized, Karamatsu had checked his phone, looking through his contacts and who all he had texted before._

 _Osomatsu-niisan: No text messages..._

 _Choromatsu: No text messages..._

 _Ichimatsu:_

 _K: Hello, my buraza!_

 _I: Painful_

 _K: What are you doing today? 8)_

 _I: Staying as far away from you as possible_

 _Karamatsu hadn't the heart to respond after that text chain._

 _Jyushimatsu:_

 _J: Hello, Karamatsu-niisan!_

 _K: Hello, my little Jyushimatsu_

 _J: Found any Karamatsu girls yet?_

 _K: Nah, not yet, they all must be hiding 8)_

 _J: Karamatsu-niisan is soooooo cool! 3_

 _K: Heh, you doing anything now, Jyushi?_

 _J: Nuh uh! Why?_

 _K: Wanna meet up?_

 _J: Sure, Karamatsu-niisan! Where at?_

 _K: Bridge I always stand at?_

 _J: On my way! :)_

 _Karamatsu had smiled a bit. Oh, my little Jyushimatsu, he thought warmly. Jyushimatsu always had been his 'biggest fan'. He definitely loved that little ball of sunshine._

 _Todomatsu: No messages..._

 _He stared at his text conversation with Jyushimatsu for a little bit longer before he had heard the shocked gasp coming from Chibita. "Karamatsu, you idjit! How long have you been there?" Karamatsu snapped his head up and away from his phone and towards the smaller man's face. He smiles slightly._

 _"'Bout twenty minutes."_

 _Chibita sighed and covered his face with his hand. "Idjit, damn it, next time tell me when you're here so I can serve you faster! I can't have people thinking that my service is shit."_

 _"Actually," Karamatsu said, pushing his sunglasses up the ridge of his nose, "I'm not here to order anything."_

 _Chibita let out a small sound of confusion, cocking his eye brows and head to the side. "Then...what are you doing here?" Suddenly his eyes grew wide and sparkly. "Are you here to finally pay off your tab?!"_

 _"Uh...no, that's not it," That answer sure did deflate what little hope Chibita had been holding on to. "In fact, I'm here to ask you something."_

 _That got Chibita interested. He placed his elbow on the counter that divided the two men before placing his chin in the palm of his hand. "What do you want to ask, idjit?"_

 _Karamatsu's smile fell as the question came to him. As dark as the question was, he had to ask. Not asking would just be a punishment to himself. He had to at least know why Chibita did what he did. "Why didn't you just let me burn?"_

 _The question caught Chibita off guard, nearly making him choke on his own breath. He began to grow concerned for the blue clad sextuplet. The whole incident of his brothers not coming to his rescue had sure left him in shock as well. He had been jealous of the sextuplets when they were growing up, but seeing how they had treated Karamatsu when he was in danger nearly made him glad that he was not a Matsuno. "What the hell are you talking about, idjit?!"_

 _Karamatsu sighed slightly, twiddling his thumbs together as he began to grow more and more anxious with the lack of a proper answer. "My own brothers didn't care that I was kidnapped and in danger. They didn't care that I was nearly burned at the stake. They didn't care. And they still don't. So why? Why the hell didn't you just let me burn?!" Karamatsu slammed his fist against the bar, causing all of the food to jump out of their containers and then fall back in._

 _Chibita was dumbfounded. Karamatsu was off of his nut. Why did he save the poor fool? Was Karamatsu kidding himself? He obviously seemed different than the Karamatsu he used to be. "I didn't let you burn because I still care about you," He answered honestly. "And they do care about you, just...in their own ways? Look, Karamatsu, you do matter despite what you think. Things would definitely be different without you around."_

 _"You mean better?" Karamatsu interjected, his eyes directed towards the ground._

 _Chibita began to panic within his own head. "N-No! That's not what I meant at all!" Does this idjit really want to die, Chibita wondered to himself? He was scared of Karamatsu becoming a danger to his self. "We would all miss you if you were gone. All of your brothers, and me as well!"_

 _"They sure show it," Karamatsu scoffed before looking up at Chibita with a fake smile plastered to his face. "Thanks, anyways, Chibita. You helped...somewhat," He stood to leave, his hand going to his pocket, "and...uh...Chibita...please don't tell my brothers what we discussed here...or that I was here for that matter." He said, before placing an amount of yen on the bar. Chibita was shocked when he realized that it was enough to pay off their tab after all._

 _"Sure, idjit, but...how did you-"_

 _"It's my life savings...also keep that between as well, please."_

 _Chibita sighed slightly. "Take care of yourself, Karamatsu."_

He did anything but that.

If anything, he allowed himself to fall deeper and deeper into a state of depression and self hatred.

He sat the guitar in his lap and brought his hands up to his hair, tugging at the brown hair that grew from the top of his head. "Painful, painful, painful!" He chanted in frustration and self hatred. "Why?! Why don't they care?! Why don't they give a damn?! Tell me!" He yelled at the sky expecting whatever God there was to answer back.

He was going mad, he was sure of it. Cutting himself was just the beginning. He knew that if he continued on this path without help that he would soon have his head stuck through a noose and ready to kick the chair he was standing on down. Just like Ichimatsu. Only, unlike Ichimatsu, no one would care enough to stop him from the kicking his chair down.

"Karamatsu-niisan." Called a voice from behind him. Karamatsu whipped his head around in surprise from the unexpected voice, nearly falling off of the roof in the process but somehow avoiding so.

"M-My little Jyushimatsu," He said, out of breath from the scare, "what brings you up here?"

"My feet!" Jyushimatsu says cheerfully as he comes over and sits next to Karamatsu, still holding ESP kitty. As soon as he sits next to his elder brother, Jyushimatsu cuddles close to him and snuggles his head into the crook of Karamatsu's neck. Karamatsu always allowed the clingy yellow clad brother to cuddle with him. Actually, he was open to cuddles with anyone. It was typically, though, that it was only Jyushimatsu who ever asked for cuddles.

Jyushi's childlike answer brought a smile across Karamatsu's lips. It wasn't one that was too big, but it was definitely a warm one. "Heh, my little Jyushimatsu."

The two sat there in tranquil peace for about five minutes, just snuggling close together and staying within each other's grasp. It was definitely a brotherly action that the two no doubt get made fun of by the other brothers-save for Todomatsu who would only snap a photo and keep talking about how kawaii it looked-but it was no doubt that the two brothers enjoyed being able to sit in peace with each other and not feel embarrassed by their brotherly love.

"Karamatsu-niisan?" Jyushimatsu asked, finally breaking the five minute silence.

"Hm?" Karamatsu asked, still looking out at the sunset that was out across the sky.

"You would tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Karamatsu's blood ran cold at that question. He wanted to tell Jyushi how he felt, but he thought that if he told, Jyushi would get angry with him and not love him anymore.

Just like the others...

"Yeah, I would tell you if something's wrong."

"I want to tell you how I feel, but I'm afraid you won't love me anymore just like the others." ESP kitty corrected, leaving Karamatsu shocked and embarrassed. Karamatsu looked down at Jyushimatsu's face before looking away.

"Niisan, what's wrong?" Jyushi asked, tugging on Kara's hoodie sleeve a bit. Kara debated telling Jyushi how he really felt, but he didn't want to scare Jyushi away. If he knew that he cut himself, he would freak out and tell the others.

"Nothing's wrong, Jyushimatsu, I promise." Karamatsu lied once more, praying that ESP kitty would keep his mouth shut for once.

"I don't want to scare you away." ESP kitty tattled.

Jyushimatsu looked into Karamatsu's eyes with heavy concern and compassion. "You won't scare me away, niisan. Please, tell me what's wrong. I want to help you."

Karamatsu grew so terrified. He didn't want Jyushimatsu to find out. He didn't want Jyushi to know his dirty little secret. He didn't want his little Jyushimatsu to find out what he was planning. He gulped. "Wh-What makes you think that something's wrong?"

"Well," Jyushimatsu began, "you've stopped wearing all of your dazzling clothes. You just wear your regular hoodie all the time like I do and like Ichimatsu-niisan does. And you've stopped coming to the bathhouse with us. You wait until we're all done and _then_ you go to the bathhouse. You go alone. And your clothes don't fit you like they used to. They fit much more...loosely," Jyushimatsu paused for a moment, pondering a question. "Why have you gotten so skinny all of a sudden, Karamatsu-niisan?"

The question came like a bullet train through a calm and quiet tunnel. Unexpectedly and shockingly. Karamatsu didn't know what to do. If he lied, ESP kitty would tell the truth. But if he told the truth, Jyushimatsu would panic and worry about him. Maybe if he lied...maybe ESP kitty would slip up and keep his mouth shut. Maybe...

"I've been...uh...h-hitting the gym." Karamatsu said as he added in a nervous laugh.

Although Jyushimatsu knew that Karamatsu was lying the moment he said that, his suspicions were confirmed when ESP kitty caught Karamatsu's lie. "I haven't been eating properly." The cat spoke, causing Karamatsu to tear up a bit.

"Karamatsu-niisan," Jyushimatsu protested, "why haven't you been eating properly? Why did you lie to me, niisan?" But Karamatsu refused to look the younger sibling in the eyes. He didn't want to face Jyushimatsu's sad and concerned eyes. He didn't want to see what he had done to his younger brother, to the only one in his family who supported him and loved him. "Karamatsu-niisan, please look me in the eyes." Slowly, Karamatsu obeyed and looked his little brother in the eyes. And what he saw nearly made him look away again. His little Jyushimatsu, all teary eyed and worried. But his gaze remained locked with the other's. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

With that question, Karamatsu broke down into messy sobs and hiccups much to the other's dismay and concern. Jyushimatsu wrapped his arms around Karamatsu's waist, hugging him close in a protective hug. He felt big fat tears being soaked up in his hoodie, but he didn't care.

His big brother was currently his top priority.

"I feel like I deserve it!" He wailed. "Like I'm such a mistake that I need to be starved! Like I'm such a mistake that I _deserve_ to cut! I don't fit in with anyone! None of the others care! I'm just a narcissistic asshole! I'm just embarrassing to you guys! I'm just **_painful_**!" He wailed and cried miserably in a way that Jyushimatsu had never once heard before.

And it broke his heart. His brother that was always confident in himself and what he did and how he dressed was now perhaps the most insecure out of the Matsuno brothers.

And it _scared_ him. It scared him to no end, seeing what they did to their brother. Seeing the pain that they had inflicted upon him to drive him to such a state.

"Karamatsu-niisan," Jyushi said softly. Kara gave a soft sound to signify that he had heard his usually hyperactive little brother. "Can I see?" At first Karamatsu was confused by the question, but he wasn't for long. He shook his head vividly, crying harder than he was before.

"No!" He shouted. "They're...They're ugly!"

"Karamatsu..." Jyushi sighed softly, pulling away from the elder of the two. "They're not ugly. Please, let me see them. I will not judge you, I promise," Karamatsu thought about it, staying strongly against his brother seeing them, but if it had to be any of them, it might as well have been Jyushimatsu. He nodded slightly before pulling his sleeves up to reveal various cuts. Some looked very fresh. Others looked older. And others were scars. The sight made Jyushimatsu want to burst into tears, but he fought them back. Instead, he placed his lips on each one, kissing them like a child who believed that kisses could heal any wound. This only made Karamatsu sob harsher than before. Not in pain, for it didn't hurt one bit. But crying because someone cared. Despite how many there were, Jyushimatsu made sure that not a single one went un-kissed. When he had finished doing such, he stood up carefully on the roof top before offering Karamatsu his hand. "C'mon, let me clean them up for you."

And so, as Karamatsu had been offered, he and Jyushimatsu went back inside and into the bathroom where Jyushimatsu began to clean his cuts with hydrogen peroxide which made Karamatsu hiss out in pain. But not once did he yell at Jyushi or curse him out. It felt nice to know that someone actually cared about him.

"Do you want to watch a movie with me niisan once your arms are all bandaged up?" Jyushi asked as he continued to roll the bandages around his brother's arms.

Karamatsu smiled softly. "Yeah," He said quietly, "yes, I do."

* * *

Jyushi sat on the couch, Kara's head rested in his lap, snores breaking through his nostrils as he slept. Karamatsu had fallen asleep just half an hour ago, and Jyushimatsu was currently waiting for their brothers to get home from Chibita's. They had been gone for quite a while, seeing as how the sky had grown dark. But Jyushi didn't mind spending the day with Karamatsu, especially if it meant helping him out.

And when the others had returned home, noisily and rambunctiously, it took a lot for Jyushi to not explode into a bunch of shushes to avoid them from waking up their exhausted brother.

"What's up with Shittymatsu?" Ichimatsu questioned with a cock of his head and an expressionless face.

"He looks more...rundown than usual." Todomatsu observed as he squatted down in front of Karamatsu's face.

Jyushi sighed softly. "Yeah, about that, we have an issue on our hands."

The rest of the brothers were shocked at hearing Jyushimatsu sounding so serious. It was rare that Jyushimatsu was ever serious, and the situation had to be extremely bad for him to be this serious. "What's going on?" Osomatsu asked.

Jyushi decided to just say it and get it over with. "Karamatsu's been cutting himself and hasn't been eating." He said bluntly.

The four brother's gasped in shock and confusion. "Why would Karamatsu-niisan do that to himself?" Choromatsu asked, shock written clearly all over his face.

"Because of us," Jyushi says plain and simply. "We've neglected him. Think back to the whole incident with ESP kitty. What happened before that?"

Osomatsu thought carefully, a finger against his chin and thought. "Uh...I remember having pears..."

"And that's just it!" Jyushi exclaimed, a bit angrily. Everyone was take back by this response. Jyushi is never angry. And he most certainly wasn't angry when the incident with Ichimatsu happened. But...then again...Ichimatsu didn't do what he did because of his brothers. He had always thought terribly of himself despite the high praise his brothers would give him. "All you can remember is eating pears! Our brother could have been killed that day and we didn't act appropriately!" Jyushimatsu pointed out.

Choromatsu thought about it as well, analyzing that day and the things that happened afterwards as well. "You're right, Jyushimatsu."

Ichimatsu looked down at ESP kitty who was currently rubbing himself against Ichimatsu's legs. The more he looked at his cat, the more he realized just how horrible he treated Karamatsu. With all of the horrible nicknames and the ignoring and the glares that he throws his way. None of them were really that nice to Karamatsu. It would change. It had to change.

And it was going to change.

 **Hey guys, I'm not dead. I'm still alive. Sorry about the very slow activity and the jumping from fandom to fandom. I do plan on finishing 'Do You Love Me' and 'Sidelines' however. But do also look out for Osomatsu-san fanfics if those pique your interest. 3**


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